Christmas is a time for celebration especially where children are concerned. However, it can also be a time for stress worry and conflict for those parents who have been unable to agree arrangements concerning their children over the festive period.
With Christmas just round the corner, Allen Bailey our family solicitor provides some advice and tips to help separated parents enjoy a stress-free time over the holidays.
It is up to you how Christmas is divided; however, the most common scenarios are:
- Alternate Christmas day with the children each year so both parents get the chance to experience the magic of Christmas eve and Christmas day morning opening presents.
- Share Christmas day with a hand over perhaps after lunch or late afternoon if you live close to each other.
- Divide the holidays so that one parent has one week with Christmas and the other has New Year. This could then alternate each year.
By planning and agreeing such matters in advance between yourselves, you can ensure that they are both suitable for your children and manageable by both of you.
Here are our top tips for sorting out child arrangements over the Christmas period
1. Plan early
You should plan as early as possible with whom the children will spend Christmas day with, as well as the arrangements for the festive period generally. Be prepared to be flexible and, if necessary, reach a compromise so that the best interests of the children are always put first.
2. Keep a channel of communication open
Communication is key and parents should try to keep a dialogue open so that arrangements can be agreed as soon as possible. For most families, this Christmas may be the first they have spent apart making communication challenging. Try to do what works best for you and your family. This could involve direct discussions face to face or by telephone, video call, text message or email. Be honest and open in your discussions and above all, try to be fair.
3. Be aware of the Covid-19 rules and isolation requirements
It is hoped that Christmas this year will be very different to the one last year. Whilst the rules arising from the pandemic have been lifted, this could well change. Families should ensure that they keep up to date with the restrictions imposed by the government and guidance issued because of Covid-19.
Agree contingency plans in light of Covid-19. Think about what should happen if you, the other parent, or a child becomes unwell, including the risk of contracting the Corona virus or having to self-isolate.
4. Listen to your children
Always put the best interests of your children first when sorting out the arrangements. Reassure them and try to consider the contact arrangements from their perspective. Try to remain positive and encouraging when you talk to them about the arrangements and recognise that this may be a very difficult time for them, especially if it is the first Christmas after separation.
Do not make them choose between either parent, as it is unfair to ask children especially if they are young to decide where they would like to spend their Christmas holidays. It places them in an unnecessarily difficult position which is likely to cause upset.
5. Travelling abroad at Christmas
For some separated families there is an international element to consider. Parents wishing to travel abroad with their children over the festive period will have several additional things to think about.
Firstly, you must obtain the agreement of the other parent with parental responsibility to take the child abroad. If this consent is not given, a court order granting you permission to travel will be required as without one, you will be committing a criminal offence.
Secondly, if permission is given, ensure that you provide the other parent with full information about the trip including the dates, flights, travel, location, accommodation, including emergency contact details. Think about how the child will keep in contact with the other parent during the time away such as by telephone or video call and agree how to deal with the hand- over and return of passports.
If travel is permitted, you must also ensure all Covid-19 rules and precautions are followed, including checking the risk factors of the area you will be staying and any places you plan to visit. Consider the Covid-19 risks of travelling and whether any quarantine and testing is necessary. Research the safety precautions and discuss this openly and in good time with the other parent.
6. What to do if you cannot agree
We recognise that it is not always possible to reach an agreement and it may be necessary to consider other options as a means of resolving the arrangements for your children.
If you cannot reach an agreement, then seek the advice of a family solicitor as soon as possible. Try to find a solicitor who is a member of Resolution. Resolution members are committed to a Code of Conduct which seeks to resolve family disputes with the minimum of conflict and in an amicable and non-confrontational way.
There are many ways in which separated parents can resolve the arrangements for their children including correspondence through solicitors and/or negotiation, mediation, and collaborative law.
If the above does not result in an agreement, separated parents can make an application to the court. However, court proceedings should only be considered as a last resort. Proceedings can be costly and are likely to make a stressful situation become even worse.
Due to significant backlogs at court, which have become worse as a result of the pandemic, it is unlikely unless in exceptional circumstances requiring an urgent hearing, that the court will be able to hear your case before Christmas. It is for this reason you should explore all other avenues of alternative dispute resolution.
If you require any help or advice on matters arising from this blog or indeed any other family matter, please contact Allen Bailey on 01748 832431 or by email at allen.bailey@scottswright.com